Mourning your Family Pet

A family pet is so much more than an animal but a member of the family. We have gotten used to its existence and all the things of caring for, providing care and training and spending time with your pet. Bonding with your pet and creating a trust from human to pet and seeing past the separations and becoming a member of the family. It has been with you quietly witnessing the experiencing all the loss and celebrations of your life, sickness, goals achieved and relationships of other friends and families. With the dip and dives of life; that pet is still there unconditionally…knowing but not knowing to be human but to feel and when your energy is a certain way, your tone of voice and behaviors are noticed. They become our sounding board when no one is there and our healing unconditionally loving being of joy and light. They all are their own issues, likes and dislikes and you learn to cue each other with words and action knowing and unknowingly.

What is important is the bond and love you have to go beyond separation or division and embracing this pet with your family and everyone seems to adjust to its needs. Pretty simple and very embracing to you. All they want is love from you, their basic needs met and you know they are important when the day comes they aren’t quite the same and feeling well, they are moving slowly and their response is not as quick as before. It becomes a distance of their own recognizable self to themselves and their owner hurts them but they understand the process of life and it is in our hands to see and verify what is needed to keep their companion now a family member and their quality of life. Is it met? Can it be sustained? How can we afford it and schedule what’s needed? Will it be in the long range and the quality of life is supported. It is the only time it is acceptable to decide to end the life of our beloved family member if the answers relate to no ease in the future or duration of the quality of life in the long run. It hurts your heart to make this decision. You think I am being God now or am I being truly compassionate to my friend/my companion/ my joy bundle of unconditional love? When you truly see the end is needed to be done mercifully and you yourself must have the courage and energy to give it the best time it needs before the final goodbyes. There is nothing more heart wrenching than to take your pet to be euthanized. But when a community is supporting you and loves you and your pet; it is a powerful support system to know that this family and your family are pretty special and be comforted. 

When I had to deal with death with family; beyond just comforting the family and the individual with compassion and careful boundaries and direction back to the sources that need to handle certain decisions to be educated in the care and ending phases of life for the loved one. It becomes a time to take moments to yourself and take deep breaths, rest so there are moments of clarity when making a major decision pertaining to the death, burial and support of the families affected. It doesn’t go away when the loved one is buried and the burial is a necessary to ritual to prepare the earthchild to enter the earth again to be welcomed fully and the ceremony we create is individual and the process of getting certain things settled with each step of the burial is also another needed time to grieve, take breaths and rest. Maintain your energy with this rest. Try to eat something and rest if you can and pace yourself and prayers of gratitude necessary for this process. The grieving goes in stages of freshness, then lingering and the rides go up and down and unexpectedly some days…a place or activity or sound or smell reminds us that we are human and be gentle with this mourning time and breath, rest and come back to the present. You do this as long as you can. You can see healers for yourself or therapists through a process that may take a year or more but it is something worth doing for yourself. You will grieve and you don’t have to judge why, how long or when…you give your sense of space and do this. YOu turn off your phone and don't answer emails and do what you need to go through the motions riding grief like an ocean wave and bathed in healing love during these times of grief. 

You may have toys or favorite things they liked placed at the burial site from time to time. You may make art, poetry, music, dance, songs, movies etc. in tribute and even pictures. There is the time to do this and you take the time so you can be whole again. The void will slowly dissipate and know that death is not final but a step into the mysterious realm of nothingness and their essence is the memory that lingers. You may have dreams of them or memories pop up and they float away and pass with less pain and intensity. This is normal. Always allow this process so you aren’t avoiding and being numb and then doing risky things like over drinking, taking drugs or doing high risk things to avoid the pain or drinking or substances. Be present, be real and let emotions flow and know it is okay. People can’t read your mind and you can tell them if they ask but you don’t have to volunteer information they don’t ask you for. It is your journey allowing the pet that passed to take their own adjusted journey back into the light.